The Love Rhombus
by Purple Lavabo
Summary: Let the mayem loose! Crazy love triangles take place in the world of DBZ! Rated for suggestive themes and some naughty words! I decided to take down and repost this story to start anew!


"The Love Rhombus"  
  
A DBZ Love story  
  
Written by: Purple Lavabo   
Major help from: Helga and Cathead  
Minor help from: Moldy Crouton, Penguin Master, Feather Boa   
  
Disclaimer: This lovely little story was written out of pure enjoyment. If any of the characters in this story remind you of characters in another TV show or story, the resemblance is purely coincidental...maybe not...but to all you fans of this show, please, I beg of you, PLEASE take no offence to the content of this story, as I said, it is written out of pure and utter enjoyment. None of this ever happened or ever will happen (NEVER EVER EVER...TIMES TWELVE PLUS INFINITY AND A BAG OF BARBEQUE CHIPS AND HALF OF A POTATO!!!!), so no one sue me or devise a plan to kill me!   
  
Note: This story features two all new, never before seen characters! They are *drum roll* Haley and Crivell! You'll meet 'em at the end.  
  
  
Our story begins...  
  
Atop a dainty little hill, there was a lovely pink house with a small garden growing in the front. Inside this little doll-like house, we see Vegeta in his famous pink polo shirt and khakis, and the mighty Gokou in his fuzzy purple robe. They both sat on the light blue sofa drinking hot herbal tea and discussing the "events" of last night.  
  
"So, did you enjoy yourself my dear?" Vegeta inquired, taking a small sip of his tea.  
  
"Oh, very much, love," Gokou responded, smiling sweetly to his lover. "But, I must say, I would prefer to try it standing next time." Both men giggled uncontrollably.  
  
"And we must remember to turn on the neon lights and drop the disco ball next time too!" Vegeta exclaimed. Gokou chuckled lightly.   
  
"Of course, we mustn't forget those. By the way, did I ever tell you how sexy you look in neon green lighting?" Gokou said with a wink. Vegeta grinned mischievously, and just as he was about to kiss Gokou, a loud bang could be heard outside, causing both men to jump.   
  
"What the hell was that!?" Vegeta cried out, then quickly covered his mouth. Too late. Gokou already had his ears covered, face cringing.   
  
"Vegeta! How could you say that? You know how much I hate swearing!" Gokou sobbed, wiping his nose with his sleeve. Vegeta quickly wrapped his arms around Gokou, holding him in a tight embrace.  
  
"I'm so sorry honey! I just had a total brain fart! I am so inconsiderate! Damn me! Damn me to-...!" he was cut off by Gokou's sudden wailing, and Vegeta cursed himself for swearing again. After a while, Gokou finally settled down, and just as he did, Bulma slammed the door open, humming the tune of Jingle Bells (despite the fact that it's the middle of spring...but what can you expect from an airhead?). Vegeta began to panic, seeing as Gokou was still in his arms. Without a plan, he did the first thing that came to his mind. Grabbing Gokou around the neck with one hand and holding both his legs with the other, he quickly chucked him out the window. Vegeta cringed when he heard Gokou land with a loud thump. He quickly turned to Bulma, who had finally stopped that annoying humming, and placed a fake, nervous smile on his face.   
"Uh...err...I can explain! We were...uh...training! And I just used one of my famous moves on him! Hehe..." he continued to laugh nervously. Bulma gave him a bewildered look.  
  
"Oh? And what move might that be?" she questioned him suspiciously.  
  
"Uh...err...my..." he paused a moment to think of his attack. Ten minutes later, he smothered his mouth when he said, "The GodAmIinTrouble Attack."   
  
"Oh really? That a new move of yours?"   
  
"Uh...yeah! Exactly!" Vegeta breathed a sigh of relief, thankful she was a bigger ditz than Britney Spears. 'Which reminds me...I need to take that naked poster of Britney off my wall...' he thought to himself. With a shrug, he walked over to Bulma with his 'manly' strut (Cough cough...in other words, he looked like he just got off a horse). Just as he wrapped his arms around Bulma's waist, a loud crash could be heard overhead. Little bits of the ceiling started falling on their heads.  
  
"My goodness, is it snowing in the house?" Bulma inquired with a puzzled look on her face. Before Vegeta could answer, a large portion of the ceiling crashed down upon his head, followed by a very wet and very intertwined Tenshinhan and Yamcha. Both their faces turned a bright red as they tried to cover themselves up with soap bubbles. Just then, the window blew open and a strong gust of wind filled the room, causing all the soap bubbles to float away. Growing an even deeper red, they tried to hide behind each other (which wasn't really working too well...).   
  
"We can explain! It's not what it looks like!" they both cried out.   
  
"Oh really? Then what exactly are you doing?" requested Vegeta. Tenshinhan and Yamcha just looked at each other for a minute, trying to come up with an excuse. Finally, Tenshinhan spoke up,  
  
"We were...uh, I mean, I was teaching him how to waltz!"   
  
"Um...in the shower?"  
"Precisely! Uh...we were dancing to "Singing in the Rain!" Both Bulma and Vegeta exchanged inquisitive glances, but shrugged their shoulders and decided to forget about it.   
  
"Right...now out Out OUT!" with that, Vegeta shoved the naked Tenshinhan and Yamcha out the door, slamming it behind them. Just as Vegeta turned back around, he gasped when he saw Bulma on all fours, her eyes bugging out. "I see, so ya wanna play rough, do ya?" he smirked, and lunged for her. Just as his face neared hers, Bulma stuck her hand out, and his face slammed into her palm.  
  
"I'll be right back," she said like a zombie. Standing, Bulma turned her back to Vegeta, and made a flying leap out the window, and ran all the way to Capsule Corps. Inside Capsule Corps, Gohan was sitting at the coffee table doing his homework (GASP! No way!). But his studies were rudely interrupted by Bulma crashing through the wall, bowling him over. She stood up and quickly brushed herself off, then turned and glared at Gohan.  
  
"Alright slave! It's that time again! Get down on all fours ya animal!" she demanded. Gohan got a fearful look on his face, and pulled out a bowl that coincidently had been sitting behind him.   
  
"Please sir, I don't want anymore!" he whimpered in a bad English accent. Bulma grabbed the bowl out of his hands, and smashed it over his head. Pulling out handcuffs and chains, she then yanked Gohan by the shirt collar and dragged him into the storage closet. (Censored! Explicit content! ~Screen blackens~ Do not attempt to adjust your TV squeeze...err...screen. You're smart peoples you can figure it out! Meanwhile...)  
  
Vegeta sat on the light blue sofa, pondering about where Bulma could possibly be. As he was thinking, Gokou climbed back through the window, disrupting his thoughts.  
  
"Uh...Vegeta, I know you wanted to get rid of that old lamp, but I think you accidentally threw me out the window instead," Gokou pointed out. Vegeta turned his attention to the lamp, which happened to be his most precious family heirloom.   
  
"Oh right..." reluctantly, Vegeta strolled over to the lamp, and took it into his hands. Trying to hold back his tears, he slowly approached the window with the lamp. Whimpering softly, he tossed the lamp out the window, closing his eyes. Both of them expected to hear a loud crash, but instead they heard someone yell out.  
  
"Ow! Ow! Ow!" the voice wailed. Both men turned to the door to see Mirai Trunks enter, rubbing his head with one hand, the lamp in the other.  
  
"Hey dad, I think you may have dropped this out the window by mistake," he said as Vegeta rushed over and snatched the lamp from his hands.   
  
"Oh my beautiful, wonderful lamp! I'll never let you out of my sight ever again!" he cooed as he stroked the lamp. For awhile, the only sound that could be heard was Gokou chewing on a chicken wing that just happened to appear out of nowhere. Setting the lamp down back where it belonged, Vegeta turned to Gokou.  
  
"Now then, what say we blow this joint and get some burgers?" Gokou began jumping up and down like a little child, causing the whole house to shake.  
  
"Oh goody! Can we go get a Happy Meal? Please? I wanna get one of those cool Barbie toys!" Gokou requested. Vegeta heaved a heavy sigh, but agreed to take Gokou to get a Happy Meal. He took hold of Gokou's hand, and they both merrily skipped to the nearest McDonalds (which was only...oh...about 799 miles away), leaving Trunks all by himself. (Meanwhile...again...)  
  
After about 3 hours or so, Bulma and Gohan emerged from the storage closet, Bulma's shirt being on backwards and inside out, while Gohan's pants were still unbuttoned.   
  
"Bulma, I think your addiction to child molesting is going to get you into trouble someday," Gohan told her. Bulma just gave him a dirty look and stuck her nose up in the air.  
  
"I don't have an addiction," she insisted as she walked out the hole she made in the wall, heading back to the lovely pink house on the hill. She stepped into the house and noticed Trunks sitting on the floor counting his toes. He finally lifted his head and noticed she was standing there.  
  
"What? I wanted to make sure all my toes were still there," he claimed. Bulma didn't quite believe him, but decided not to ask anyway. She sashayed over to him, giving him a seductive look. Before he could utter a word, she threw herself at him, both of them going into a fit of passion that lasted for a maximum of 30 seconds. They both took a moment to catch their breath, and then turned to face each other. After about 5 minutes of staring at each other, Bulma spoke up,  
  
"So, was it as good for me as it was for you?" she asked, still panting. Trunks gave her an impish grin.  
  
"Oh yes, you really know how to work it, mom," he replied. "But, I've noticed that we seem to stare at each other longer than we make love." Bulma nodded her head and thought about it.   
  
"Well, why not stare at each other and make passionate love at the same time?" she suggested.   
  
"Oh you are so dangerous," he told her with a growl. They threw themselves at each other again, and as they were rolling around in the pitch-blackness, Bulma shouted out,  
  
"Hey! I thought Vegeta got rid of this old lamp?"  
  
"That's not the lamp, mom..."  
  
"It's not? Oh...well no wonder I can't turn it on!"  
  
"Mom! I told you that's not the lamp!"  
  
"I know that!"  
  
"Oh...heh." (I hope you all can follow what's going on so I don't have to keep going with this Love Fest.) An hour later, Bulma and Trunks took a seat on the couch, smoking cigars. Bulma turned her attention out the window, and listened to the birds chirp outside. Then her eyes narrowed to the figure coming towards the house. Vegeta! 'Oh no...what do I do!?' thinking quickly, she pulled Trunks off the couch by the hair, lifted the cushion, and tossed him under. Just as Vegeta came in the door, Bulma jumped onto the cushion Trunks was under, and heard the soft groan he made when she sat on him. Thankfully, Vegeta didn't hear him. Before long, those 2 began engaging in a fit of passion (do we really need to get into details? I think not, but all I gots to say is...GRODY!).   
  
"I'm sorry Veggie, but I need to use the ladies room," Bulma said as she gave him a quick kiss and got up to go to the bathroom. Vegeta sighed happily as he gazed out the window, but the happiness on his face soon became panic as he saw Gokou strolling up the hill, playing with his new Barbie doll toy. Vegeta quickly threw on his clothes, trying to figure out what to do. Bulma soon returned from the bathroom, and as she entered the room, Vegeta swiped up Bulma and her clothes and stuffed them under the couch cushion. Sitting and pretending to be reading the paper upside down, which also just seemed to magically appear out of nowhere, Vegeta kept eyeing the door until Gokou finally entered. Vegeta got up from his place on the couch to give Gokou a hug. They both stood there hugging each other until they heard muffled noises underneath the couch cushion. Both men wore puzzled looks on their faces as they lifted the couch cushion. They gasped in fright as they saw Bulma and Trunks making out. Noticing the sudden draft, Trunks pulled away from Bulma and looked up at the two figures staring at him with shocked faces.  
  
"Uh, honey! It's...it's really not what it looks like! I was...err...suffocating, and, uh, he was giving me CRP!" she told them quickly.   
  
"Eheh...she means CPR..." Trunks chipped in with a tense laugh. Vegeta and Gokou exchanged baffled glances, and Gokou then noticed something hanging around Vegeta's neck.   
  
"Um, Vegeta?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Why is your shirt dangling around your neck?"  
  
Miles away in the quaint little town of...O-Town (last minute name...), we find Cell inside a corner restaurant, half of him dressed in a tuxedo, the other half in a purple dress with pearl earrings.   
  
"So, what do you think of your dinner so far, dear?" Cell asked, and he jumped over the table to the other side.   
"Oh, it is quite lovely." He jumped back over to the other side of the table. "Wonderful! ...Excuse me." He stood up and kissed his hand on the side that was wearing the dress, and blew a kiss to the same side. Cell then ran into the bathroom, and a few minutes later he exited, the one side that was wearing a purple dress now wearing a yellow sundress. He casually strolled over to an empty booth that said 'reserved' on the table. Cell removed the sign and sat down, staring lovingly at the empty booth across from him.   
"Sorry to keep you waiting, beautiful," he said to the booth. He leaped over the table and smiled to the empty booth again.   
"Oh, it wasn't too long I was waiting."   
"Good." He leaned over the table and kissed the air, then pulled back. He didn't seem to notice the crowd of people staring at him with sweatdrops on their heads. Cell checked his watch on the side with the tuxedo.   
"Oh no! Um...I'll be right back." He jumped out of the booth and ran back to his other table.   
"Sorry for taking so long, lovely..." (While Cell dates and has an affair on himself, let's see what's going on elsewhere...)  
  
Chichi sat on the street corner, eating graham crackers and drinking a shot of whiskey. And then a big white limo started driving by, but it stopped as it reached to where she was sitting. The dark window rolled down, and it was none other than Brad Pitt in the limo! (Swoon...~starry eyes~)   
  
"Excuse me miss, you need a ride home?" he asked, giving her a brilliant smile. Chichi looked up at him.  
  
"Hmm? Oh no. I am home."  
  
"Huh? Where's your house?"  
  
"I am in my house. I'm a prostitute, can't you tell?"  
  
"Oh, uh...right..." getting a little scared, Brad Pitt closed his window quickly and sped away. Chichi stared off at him, puzzled.   
  
"Wonder what's wrong with him...oh well." Just then, Trunks strolled over behind Chichi and tapped her on the shoulder.  
  
"Hey woman, it's time for another favor."  
  
"Where's my money?"  
  
"You'll get it in good time."  
  
"I'd better." She then led him to a darkened alley (more explicit scenes...not for virgin eyes...or any eyes for that matter).   
  
"Say Bulma, how about we have a Tea Party with all of our friends?" Vegeta suggested.  
  
"That sounds like a nice idea! I'll go make a few calls." (For the sake of time and my sanity, Bulma finally gets all the guests to come about 4 hours later, which includes Gohan (he was quite reluctant, though...), Tenshinhan, Yamcha, Trunks, Chichi, Gokou (who was already there), and even Cell. On with the show!) All the party guests sat around chattering with each other, while Vegeta tried to look innocent when around Bulma and Trunks and Gokou. Not very easy. In the middle of the chatter, Bulma tapped her tea glass to get everyone's attention. They all settled down and faced Bulma, who had a bright smile on her face.  
  
"Everyone, I have an announcement. As of today...I just found out...I'm pregnant!" Everyone started clapping and cheering. Gokou had a huge grin on his face as he whispered to Vegeta,  
  
"Gee, I wonder who the father is..." Vegeta chuckled nervously, and he started sweating.  
  
"Y-yeah...heh...me too," he responded. After they settled down once again, Yamcha stood up.  
  
"Me too! I'm pregnant too!" everyone in the room dropped their jaws, sweatdrops forming on the back of their heads. Yamcha looked at everybody's faces, totally confused. "What?" they all just groaned and shook their heads. Suddenly, muffled laughter was heard in the little white closet. Curious, Vegeta went and opened the closet, and was totally shocked to find Muten Roshi tumble out with a videotape, laughing hysterically. When he finally realized everyone was staring, he stood up and held the tape up high.  
  
"Time for some home movies!" with a chuckle, he skipped over to the TV and popped the tape in the VCR, and pressed play while everyone got comfortable around the TV. (To find out what is on the tape, read from the beginning of this story all the way down to this point. ~prays no one is stupid enough to actually DO that...~) When the tape ended, everyone was absolutely stunned. After a brief silence, a roar of yelling and screaming filled the room as everyone started blaming everyone.  
  
"You cheated on me with HIM!?"  
  
"Yeah, well you dated him while you were married to me!"  
  
"You child molester!"  
  
"Oh be quiet! He liked it and he knows it!"  
  
"Did not!"  
  
"Did too!" the bickering continued for quite a while, until one voice could be heard above all others. While everyone quieted down, they turned their attention to Cell, who seemed to be screaming at himself.   
  
"How could you do this to me!?"  
"I didn't mean to I swe-!"   
"No excuses!"   
"But, honey..."   
"Don't 'but honey' me! As of now this relationship is over!" Cell punched himself with his right hand.   
"I'll teach you, you dumb broad!" He punched his face with his left hand now.   
"Die bastard!" and another right hook.   
"Take this wench!" he charged up a large ki ball, and hurled it at his face. After the smoke cleared, all that was left of Cell were his purple slippers that he was mysteriously wearing for no reason whatsoever. Everyone looked at each other and decided to follow Cell's example and began charging at each other (bear with me people, creating a fight scene is not my forte). Gokou was beating up Vegeta, and Bulma attempted to, but Gohan was already beating her up. Say bye-bye to Bulma and Vegeta. Then Trunks and Chichi went at it, with a little help from Gokou, who beat up Trunks after he beat up Chichi. They gone too. Now Gokou and Gohan beat the hell outta each other, just for the sheer joy of it. On the other hand, Tenshinhan and Yamcha are making passionate love.  
  
"I knew you'd never cheat on me!"  
  
"I always knew your love was true!"  
  
"Hey, let's go watch the tape again at my place!" hand in hand, they both walk off into the sunset, staring lovingly at each other...then fell off the cliff that was right in front of them. Now all our heroes lay on the ruins of the lovely pink house, all dead and bloody. In the distance, a red Mustang convertible drove up to where the house used to be, and the sleek red door opened, and out came Krillin, wearing a snazzy white tux and a white top hat. Behind him, Juuhachi-Gou got out of the car, wearing an elegant navy blue dress. Following those two were Crivell and Haley, both of them dressed up quite nice themselves. They all looked at the scene that lay before them.  
  
"Gosh, what happened here?" Krillin wondered. Juuhachi-Gou pondered the thought.  
  
"Oh! Oh! I know! Maybe when they ate the tapioca pudding it was really a bomb!" Haley exclaimed. They all gave her a weird look. "Yeah! I bet Zulu, queen of the Dwarf People, and her little minions snuck a bomb in their tapioca pudding which they were conveniently eating a few moments ago and they all went BOOM!" Haley looked at everyone as they all fell to the ground anime style. "What?" Juuhachi shook her head, then looked at the ruins, still pondering.  
  
"Hmm...that, or they must have seen Muten Roshi's tape," they all laughed and got back in the car. As he closed the car door, Krillin slipped on his favorite sunglasses.  
  
"Okay Bubbles, let's hit it!" Bubbles the monkey howled in response and started the engine, and they all sped into the sunset. They all lived...well...Krillin, Bubbles, Juuhachi-Gou, Haley, and Crivell at least, lived happily ever after.  
  
THE END 


End file.
